June 2020 Articles

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Spiritual Corner: A Listener and A Speaker

Spiritual Corner: A Listener and A Speaker
Since the death of George Floyd, I have been trying to come to terms with how I feel. I have been trying to find words to adequately express my emotions and my thoughts. I still don’t know if I have them, but I prayed that God would speak through me. There are so many angles with which to look at the recent events that have unfolded in our country. There is evil going on everywhere we look. The recent riots involving theft and destruction are terrible. Innocent people and families are being affected – their livelihoods are being threatened. These riots should not be condoned, BUT…I do think we should seek to understand why they may be happening. While some people may be involved in them because they are simply bad people, others may be acting out of frustration, hurt, and brokenness. Does that excuse the behavior? No. But just like I wouldn’t simply discipline a misbehaving student without seeking to understand WHY they were misbehaving, we shouldn’t do the same with these people. I have had students lash out in exploding anger over the smallest incident. When you take a closer look at the child, there is (usually) something terrible going on at home. Trauma and loss and abuse can make a person do things that they wouldn’t normally do. While this still doesn’t excuse the behavior, it helps us sympathize with the student and understand where the outburst came from. So while we must not excuse this violent behavior going on in our world, we also must not let it distract us from what caused it, which, in my opinion, is the bigger problem. George Floyd, a black man, was murdered by a white, police officer. Before you say, “Well, he shouldn’t have resisted arrest” or “He shouldn’t have committed a crime”, please stop and think for a moment. I don’t care what the man did—it was not that officer’s right to take his life. I pray that my son will never be in a situation where he messes up and is arrested for something, but if he was (because face it, we ALL make mistakes), I would not want him to be killed while being arrested. No one deserves that. I have heard many people admit that this was a tragic event and it was terrible, but it doesn’t represent all police officers. I know that is true. I know many, many wonderful police officers, some of which are members of my family. I promise you, this article is not meant to speak ill of the fine men and women who seek to serve and protect us. There are truly bad men and women in every profession that tarnish the image of that profession. But while all of this is true, this incident involving George Floyd is not one individual incident. There are incidents similar to this involving black men and women that have happened time and time again. It may not seem fair to the good police officers, but try and put yourself in a black person’s shoes for a second. If you have witnessed numerous incidents where other black men and women have been wrongfully killed by an officer, would you not be wary of the police? I’m not saying it’s right—but it’s human nature. I’ll give an illustration, using my dogs. We have a pitbull mix that we rescued when she was about 8 months old. We are almost 100% sure that she was abused, and almost 100% sure it was by a man. We know this because of her behavior. She is very scared and timid. When you approach her and she is uncomfortable, she always cowers and wags her tail, as if to let you know that she is friendly and means no harm. She is especially scared of men. She has gotten better with the men she is familiar with, but she still is more timid around my husband than myself. Now, we know for a fact that every single man in the world did not abuse her. In fact, the majority of the men in the world that she has met have not hurt her. So why does she initially cower from men? It’s because a man hurt her before and she sees similarities between men and she doesn’t know that they are nice. That one man who mistreated her has tainted her view of other men, until those other men prove that they are friendly. I believe this is the same way many black people feel about police. They have seen numerous cruel acts by policemen to other black people and so, naturally, they do not trust the majority—because they look the same and they are scared and just don’t know. There have been studies that show that in the classroom, there needs to be five positive interactions with a student for every negative one. Basically, this means that the student, or a person, is much more affected by a negative comment or criticism than a positive. Therefore, they need more positive comments to balance out the negative. This is partly why I hate the news. Majority of the time, the news will show all of the negative things going on in the world, but never highlight the good. And sometimes, sadly, (and I am one who is convicted of this) there are a lot of good people, who are not doing enough to counteract the negative in the world. It’s not enough to feel sad about a situation. We must actively do something to help. I know that that is easier said than done, but we have to start trying. If we want the good police respected, if we want the death of black men and women to stop, we need to figure out what it is that we can do to help. We can’t just say—not all police are bad. Just like a man can’t walk up to Rylie and say, “I’m not bad”. That man must SHOW her he’s not bad before she will even CONSIDER trusting him. Positive change is not always a speedy process—in fact, it usually isn’t. It takes consistency and it also takes us getting off the defensive and actually listening to those who have different struggles than us and us actually seeking to understand. Here’s another pill that may be hard for some to swallow. I think that too often, when black people say “Black Lives Matter”, we, as white people, automatically jump to the defensive. We almost seem insulted, as if black people are saying that our lives don’t matter. I don’t believe that is the case at all. I believe what they are trying to express is that “Black Lives Matter TOO”. This means that yes, as a white person, your life matters. As a police officer, your life matters. But black people’s lives matter, too. They are chanting this sentiment because they feel like there are inequalities in our country that make it seem like their lives matter LESS. And they are not wrong. I know that white people have struggles, I do. But ask yourself…have you ever struggled because you were white? I know that I haven’t. Whether we like to admit it, so many white people stereotype against a black person, simply because they are black. I am ashamed to admit this, but there have been times that I have felt uneasy because a black man has walked by me while I have been by myself somewhere. However, when a white man walked by in the same situation, I didn’t feel as threatened. This is crazy to me because in my experience as a teacher, I have received more respect (overall) from my black students than I have from my white students. You may say that stereotypes exist for a reason, and maybe some of them do. But stereotypes also hurt people. I can’t imagine how a mother worries about her son if he is black. I worry about Rebel like crazy and I know that I always will, but I also know that I will never have to worry as much about him as I would have to if he were black. Simply because, the majority of people wouldn’t feel as threatened by a red haired, blue-eyed, fair skinned teenager walking the street as they would feel by a black teenage boy walking the street. So how do we fix this problem? I think we first have to start LISTENING more. We have to stop getting so defensive and truly start seeking to understand why people do the things they do or feel the way they feel. We have to humble ourselves and show compassion to those who are feeling oppressed. We need to talk to them and try to understand what their thoughts and fears are. Because no matter how some people feel, we are all equal in God’s sight. We have all been created in His image. If you can’t love your black neighbor, regardless of whether you think they dress and act like a thug, I would hate to be you when you meet Jesus. Besides just being better listeners, we must also be better speakers. This is where I struggle. I’m good at listening to other people’s viewpoints. Even though I live in the deep south, I am definitely more moderate in my views of the world. This is because I always try to understand both sides of a situation. I don’t say this to be prideful—it’s just my personality and a character trait God blessed me with. I love others and like to keep peace. This is a wonderful trait, in my opinion, but it also has its downfall. While I care about others and want to help and I seek to understand, I also hate confrontation or controversy. I shy away from conflict. I may feel very strongly about something, but I have a very hard time speaking up about it, for fear of being ridiculed or lashed out at. I may be being a good listener, but I am not a good speaker. And honestly, being a good person only goes so far if you’re too afraid to speak up for those you care about. We (and I’m definitely speaking to myself here!) need to be better speakers. We need to speak up for those who are oppressed. We need to vocalize the problems in our world and strive to make change happen. God needs Christians to STEP UP. It doesn’t always have to be one side against the other. You don’t have to hate police officers to support the “Black Lives Matter” movement. You don’t have to agree with the riots happening to realize that there is a major race problem in our country. We need to simply LOVE others like Jesus does. Why do we have to be so prideful? Why do we have to always jump on the defensive? Why are we too afraid to speak up in the face of injustice? Why is it so hard for us to admit that racism still exists in our country? I, for one, don’t want the black boys that I teach to feel afraid to do normal activities that my son, Rebel, will never have to be fearful about. The scary thing is…often times when we constantly stereotype people…those people may end up living up to that stereotype…simply because they feel like what’s the use…everyone sees me that way anyways. That is so sad to me. Friends, WE have the chance to help make a change happen. Forget your pride. Was Jesus prideful? No! He simply LOVED others. I know that many viewpoints that I brought up in this article may not be something you agree with…and you know what? That’s okay! I still love you because that’s what God has called me to do. I hope you know that I think Black Lives Matter and I know that most police officers are truly incredible people. I believe that stealing and destroying people’s buildings and belongings is absolutely wrong. I believe there is a race problem in our country. I am not one-sided in any of this. All of this has convicted me and challenged my faith. I am seeking to understand why all of these bad things are happening and I am seeking to be a friend and a voice to those who need it—to those who aren’t as privileged as I am. Because I want to live a life and love others the way God wants me to. And I want to live in a way that teaches my son to do the same.
--Dana Alexander